Well lately I've been thinking about what happened with me and Pokemon Mysidia for the past few months. I decide that I should make this announcement to all of you who still care about this place even during the worst crisis we ever had. You may not find this thread pleasant to read, or you may enjoy it very much if you are Nesan, this does not really matter anymore. I thank whoever stay with me till this very moment, Mysidia is honored to ever have you dedicated followers and supporters...
This may appear to be a shame, it took me a while to realize that there are certain things that I really cannot do. I always tried to act tough, because as the head admin in charge of a community I just had to. However, after months of struggles with running PO, I came out to realize that I could not host a stable server that stays online 24/7. I did give my best try, the linux vps server cost $89 per month and was stable, but PO is not designed to work well with linux as I could not even figure out how to update the server once a new version was released. I switched to that windows VPS, it was fine at the very beginning prior to the early november Crisis. I continued to run the PO server following the crisis, believing that the community could still be saved. What happened during Christmas brought me back to reality, I defended against a mindless hacker desperately. Even I was amused by the hackers dedication to his dirty job, but it was also since then that I finally realized that hosting a server is more than I could handle. The only one capable of hosting a stable server was Lutra, and Mysidia's prime was way over once he decided to step away.
Moreover, my time spent on the internet was drastically reduced for the past few months. Life as a senior was indeed difficult, for the entire fall semester I was pressurized by the amount of work irl I was facing. I considered suicide at times, but I decided not to since I wanted to give myself a chance to see if things would turn around for me entering 2012. Back in spring 2011 I visited PO almost everyday and spent about 6-8 hrs on the server daily. In summer the number dropped considerably as I was preparing for GRE and graduate application. I thought my situation would be better in fall semester after I submitted my applications. It turned out to be the opposite, I could not complete my application as early as I thought, and the increased amount of schoolwork only made things much worse. I had many ideas for Mysidia, but it was impossible to carry anything out when I could not even help myself irl with little time to spend over the internet. Without sufficient freetime, my existence on Mysidia was nothing but an empty shell.
Misunderstanding among members and staff was another problem with Mysidia. Back in the old days I stayed on Mysidia's server mostly for this purpose, trying to ease up conflicts among certain staff and members. I quite enjoyed the role as a babysitter, especially considering the two sides would hold me onto higher regards if I managed to reconcile them successfully. Though I hate ranting, I do admit that why Batl told me he held me in high regards in last summer was due to my helping him and Lux make up with each other. Both of them have been Mysidia's most precious members and staff since the very beginning. Babysitting, on the other hand, is time-consuming especially when it came down to certain members who did not have the same mentality as Batl and Lux. Starting in last summer I realized that I could not be doing that frequently anymore. 2 weeks prior to the early November crisis, the Gang and snow had a big problem with each other. I knew it from the very beginning that both sides misunderstood each other to a great extent, but I couldnt even spend much time on PO at that moment. I really wish there was something I could to to make this situation better, but in the end I just completely messed things up. At that moment I felt like an 80 year old man, it was the first time that I decided to look at myself and my capability as a forum owner.
What happened next should be familiar to most of you, the Gang broke out and trashed this place after I failed to set up the server after it went down for a few days. Perhaps the way I handled the situation between the Gang and Snow was one major contributor, but I do understand that this was inevitable with the way I ran my PO server. What the Gang did back then was indeed unforgivable, and they had turned into a trolling group nowadays. Still, I believe they could've been valuable staff members under the appropriate guidance. Wes, for instance, started as a rather contributive and helpful staff. After all, no one was objective to his promotion back in winter 2010, there must be a reason for such approval from everyone. His misbehaviors starting from summer 2011 was out of desperation, after witnessing how Mysidia's activity was surpassed by TBT. He believed he was the only possible savior of this situation, which was why he became power hungry with time going on. To some extent, it was me who drove Wes and the Gang frenzied. The lack of communication and understanding between us made sure the relationship could not be salvaged. It was about time when they broke out against me, with or without that heavy snowstorm incident.
So yeah, I've always been acting tough as if I could do everything for the community. I wanted to give everyone confidence, since confidence is what held a fragile community altogether. Perhaps I should've made it clear to the Gang that I am not the material to host a server, but then thats unlike me since I was not supposed to act like a coward and step back when they needed me the most. Now you guys must have known my greatest weakness - My inability to admit and reveal my weaknesses. I guess its about time for me to change, since this has been affecting me negatively not only over the internet, but also in real life.
Some of you may have noticed that I took off the 'members online for the past 24 hours' addon from the forum at the end of summer 2010. I did this 'cause I was over-depressed by the decreasing number of visitors everyday. I seemed to have cared way too much about this place's activity, I could not sleep if we lost members and activity out of seemingly nowhere. Sometimes I did not visit PO not because of my lack of freetime, but because I could be easily depressed seeing a rival community having more ppl than Mysidia. This happened back in February 2011, when I was upset at Nesan's inability to run a stable server which led to PBC gaining much more members than Mysidia. Incase anyone of you did not know, Green13 was a VIP member here for his past contribution during fall 2010. I took away his VIP status, and unilaterally ended Mysidia and PBC's affiliation. I almost never abused my admin power, but I had to admit I did it before out of depression. I did talk to Green13 someday and made up with him for my past mistake, but my depression still recurred whenever I saw some other places gaining more activity than Mysidia. Until I realized that I'd become somewhat a slave of forum activity, I decided that this is not the way I wish to run a community. But can I be helped? Probably not...
My softness proved to be another undoing for Mysidia under my reign. I am a diplomat, and I have a tendency to yield to the 'majority'. This was how the Gang was able to drive Batl away back in summer 2011. Batl told me his reasoning for being inactive, I understood him, but could not make the rest of staff and members understand. In the end I kept silent when the Gang decided to remove Batl, which I confessed was one of the worst mistakes I made with Mysidia under my reign. The same thing happened with AE back in May, and it was even more difficult of a situation since AE appeared to be at fault. A group of staff led by Wes protested to get rid of AE, and no one seemed to be supporting AE back then. The truth is that a dedicated partner like AE was rarely found. He is young and could make mistakes, but no one other than myself loves and cares about Mysidia as much as he was. It would've benefited us in a long run had I supported him, but I decided not to partially because I was preparing finals, partially because I did not want to stand up against the 'majority'. The majority does not necessarily know how to make a better decision, if we look back at the Gang...
Perhaps I am better off as a site developer and coder with someone else running the community for me. I did think about this possibility, but for Mysidia it would not work due to the long established dilemma, Maturity vs Activity. This happened when the most trustworthy staff members are less or much less active than staff with less maturity and mentality. It happened before with Batl against the Gang, and in fact Batl was an owner and Wes/Batman were admin/mod. It appears that most of the people hold a wrong belief that the one and only rewards for activity and contribution is staff position, which I believe is wrong but cannot find a way to elaborate. The gang were definitely active and enthusiastic, Mysidia could've been much better had they followed Batl's guidance. But it was impossible with Batl became somewhat less active. It was not that I do not appreciate the hard works done by the Gang, just that not everyone is leader material. Nesan was promoted for being active, and everyone knows what happened... Unfortunately, the belief that the most active member should be staff is still dominant among this community and cannot be helped...
Guess I've talked enough about my thoughts, its time for the decision now... I will not be running Mysidia's PO server anymore, nor will I be engaging in any events and activities on this forum. The battle community may as well disappear from this forum forever. Since the forum is rather inactive anyway, all of you may as well leave and find a new place to stay. I'd recommend Reborn and DL, but its your call... I wont shut down the forum though, and my friends are still welcomed to talk to me regarding daily life or something going on their minds. You can blame me for this decision, but please understand that I am doing the right thing. I cannot host a PO server, the last time I did competitive battling was when I played G/S/C about 10 years ago, there is no future for anyone of you with me. Perhaps I will resume the development of PokeMansion and my fangame when I settle down with less schoolwork, but I dunno when it wil happen. The truth is that I do not even have time to get this place going again, no matter whether I still want it to prosper or not.
Again for those of you who have stayed with me till the very end, you have my greatest gratitude and I wish you the best luck in future. I must apologize to Batl for all these, this is the second time I failed him but I am doing this because I dont want to fail any more dedicated members...
And Simmi if you are still visiting this place, please do make sure to tell Angela that I am sorry... The drama between me and Angela caused the demise of old Mys, Mysidia could've been so beautiful without my mistake back then...
Hall of Famer
That was a hefty amount of reading, as I'm sure it was a hefty amount of writing, not just in the physical act but in the emotional aspect. HoF, this community has meant a lot to me, and even though I wasn't around since the beginning, I was around for more than a year, and it really meant so much that I would throw so much of my life into efforts concerning the betterment of the community, and that's what you attempted as well. This post means a lot, whereas my words can mean so little.
Mysidia will always live with me.
Well, I was linked this thread from Cloud and I thought I should post a couple of things. First off I want you to know that Eddie and myself always had the best intentions for Mysidia in mind, whether you believe that or not is up to you. We listened to all of the people and knew 99.9% of what was going on behind the scenes and in peoples' opinions and we did actions based on that. You may believe otherwise but Mysidia was my 2nd home for the longest time. Being here actually made me feel less depressed about real life problems that were constantly going on so do not think I did not love Mysidia. As for the raiding of the forums, what's done is done; better me take the blame for all that than everyone seeing as how I'm used to being blamed for all the problems that happened here anyway.
Well, time to stop rambling. Don't take what I said personally. Just live your life, develop PokeMansion more seeing as how it's one of the things I still like about Mysidia, and have good luck for the future.
Thanks for your words TLight, I appreciate all these.
And Wes, I never intended to deny the fact that you loved this place and wanted it to prosper. Perhaps it was just the methods, or perhaps the miscommunication did cause all these. Its not that important anymore...
You're welcome to come and see us over at the new Brofist website. I'm sure we could use someone like you on the forums.
Home - Brofist Studios
Well Jonny I never said the development of my fangame is over though, which is one reason I keep this forum open. Like I said before, I just do not know when I will have time... *sigh*
Nah dude i don't mean with our games, i know you've got your hands full. But if you ever have to close down this place, and you still wanna help out with forums, you can come help out with ours :)
It seams Simmi called me just in time. I'm just sorry that everyone was so clueless as to what they were actually facing that I am brought/called in once the forum has reached this point, it's on the edge of dying.
And this is not suppose to be a insult, but this thing has killed 1 generation of HOF forums before I joined HOF's forums, and to my knowledge I am the only admin that has worked with HOF that has manage to handle this 4 times successfully.
So I ask of you that are here, and have been working with HOF, take a look at the post above, that is one side of HOF, unfortunately, that appears one every blue moon, so take the messages of the post above with precaution and don't clear out just yet.
HOF do me a favor and take a look at your inbox.
This is the first time I have visited Mysidia in a long time, it appears a lot has happened. It is unfortunate to read about what has taken place, I feel as though I should say a few words.
I really did like this place so I am sad to see it has reached this point. Even when my VIP status was taken away I could understand your feelings, albeit I didn't agree with them. I wish you all luck in your future endeavours.